Chances are, you’ve heard of this “pronoia” thing - the ‘belief that everything’s working out for you in your favor,’ even when it may not seem like it. The opposite of paranoia. This idea that “the universe is always conspiring in your favor.”
Whether you’ve encountered it in the world of personal development, “new age” circles, or the more entrepreneurial, motivation hustle-porn culture, it’s one of many concept that has been ablaze and encouraged to be adopted as an “empowering belief” to help ‘realign your focus’ (or some shit) when life doesn’t appear to be going your way.
But is it just really self-delusion, on some level?
Sure, convincing ourselves this idea is true may provide a safety blanket to help bypass the rather shitty feelings that inevitably come when life delivers us shit sandwiches for lunch. And there are probably circumstances where there may be some truth to it. But at what point does this become self-gaslighting with yet another dogma of toxic-positivity to escape/avoid the reality that sometimes life doesn’t, can’t, and won’t go how we want no matter how much “positive thinking” we employ in attempts to “manifest” our ego’s desires instead of face the facts?
(Well-expecting those with less experience in life and more enthusiasm for such dogmatic belief systems - programmed into y’all whether by others or yourselves as though you’re just a robot crunching code - to throw up the defences and gaslight me as being “negative” here for daring to contradict the pillars of your fabricated reality constructs.)
That kid with cancer… sure, “all for his ultimate good.” The parents that lost their kids in a drunk driving accident… sure, “the universe is conspiring in their favor.” The numerous people pressured into taking medical experiments the last couple years that ended up paralyzed for life and business owners gone out of business and onto the streets while the big corporations raked in billions more in profit… of course, “the Divine” conspiring benefically. All those people in war-torn countries whose homes have been demolished, limbs cut off by psycho rebels, women raped by soldiers fighting for “God’s mission…” sure, totally all for the “best” in the end, right…?
I ain’t even about to emphasize my own life in the picture, as my “problems” are so fucking petty in comparison I’d feel like a douchebag to include them alongside those others. Maybe it’s somehow honorable to discount the debilitating pain of an imploded marriage i never wanted to end as it’d be ‘selfish’ to think it’s of any greater significance than countless others having gone through the same… and sure, maybe there’s some “phoenix to rise from the ashes” ahead as our “true soulmates” magically decent into our lives and we finally get the fairytale ending (minus the part including more inevitable hardships, disease & death after that). Or maybe there’s some “Divine order” in have left behind the home & life I LOVED in Bali to return back to living with my parents at age 39 in a city I have ZERO love for… ”all working out in my favor,” even though i don’t feel anywhere as close to alive as used to.
Call me “negative” or “cynical” if you will. But there’s gotta come a point where we look ourselves in the mirror and face what is rather than consistently feeding our energy into fantasies that salvation awaits in the future. (Or not… of course, that’s an individual choice for each of us to make for ourselves.)
And this isn’t to say I’m entirely pessimistic. On the contrary, i hope to be proven wrong and the saying to be proven correct. I fully welcome “God” to reveal the magic in this “plan” and deliver something that’s worth all the loss and makes up for all the pain. May “5D new earth” prevail with the slavery income tax system abolished, med beds & healing technology soothe all our ailments, corrupt leaders give way to decentralized governance creating & implementing harmonious solutions for truly sustainable, abundant living for all beings on this planet. May my youthful optimism that such outcomes are possible return (even though “awakening” has revealed this has never been and might actually never be the planet for such utopian dreams’ realization in our lifetime.)
Maybe there is some profound perfection in how things are unfolding that we can’t see. Perhaps the end of my marriage was perfect at some level - whether to either give space so we could each do what healing required to come back together stronger later or connect with “better” matches in due time. Perhaps COVID was a perfect setup to force me into hermit mode and work on music rather than wandering overseas again and degrade myself fucking bargirls in Thailand, providing the “ideal” set of conditions for my art to grow out of in order to ultimately achieve the dreams of success with it. Maybe I’ll look back at this time with my parents with immense gratitude when finally do move back to Asia and see how it all was perfect at some perplexing level.
Though I’m in this space where trying to delude/convince/gaslight myself that it is “all conspiring in my favor” ain’t gonna work. I don’t want sugar-coated fantasies anymore.
I’d rather not lie to myself, trying to pretend to know when I don’t/can’t. I’d rather not get high on hopium and live with my heads yet even further in the clouds. No. Instead, I feel it might actually be more “empowering” to embrace the uncertainty. To be fucking honest. Vulnerable. Realistic about what limitations actually DO exist in spite of all the completely bullshit “there are no limits” motivational cult dogma… so as to ground myself in the fucking realities of what I’ve got to work with so can actually make the most of it and exercise greater control over what is within my capacity to.
I’m wasted away enough of my life with pie-in-the-sky ideas of what’s “possible” as though there was all the time in the world. Perhaps all the hardship is at some level “perfect” to drive home the facts that this dimension is far more complex than the mind thinks & ego wants with its dualistic nature, and there had to come some point of getting grounded down into the less-pleasant truths in order to see & understand the contstraints required if we’re to make anything of what we’ve got to work with in the time allotted.
Perhaps it’s the mind & ego that has all these flawed, unrealistic ideas about what is “best” and/or what “working out for us” means; that while they’d prefer the outcomes to be all rainbows & unicorns, maybe at the level of soul, even the pain & suffering is “perfect” as contains lessons & gifts necessary to our evolution.
But hey, what the fuck do i know.
Maybe I’d be better off philosophizing less, getting da fuq out of the head and back more into music, given it finally sorta maybe kinda seems to be “coming together” and could potentially be worthwhile to invest more focus constructively into that.
That said, may ya enjoy a preview of what’s been in the works and let the sound vibrations flood your eardrums to wash away the mess parts of this writing may have left in our consciousness (or simply shone light on that which was already there) and impart something of the message that can’t be conveyed in just words alone… 🙏