If a piece of me got devoured every time someone advocates that experience is the best teacher and how we learn best, I would be annihilated.
Yet, why are we so scared of failing, and oftentimes succumb to the dreaded fear?
Despite humans being hardwired to notice danger and do have innate survival instincts, I think it's in the nature of many parents' to subconsciously instil their fear into children without first tackling their deep fears themselves.
We learn from an early age to be fearful of falling physically, and that fear manifests and overflows into other aspects of our lives, in terms of phobias and lesser fears. Even fear of failure often leads to people shirking responsibilities and not wanting to take accountability for situations in their lives. Some fears sometimes cause an aversion to nature, and people miss out on the benefits to be had from nature.
I do have phobias and fears.
My fear of being in the water stemmed from my parents' attitude and fearmongering that one will drown in large bodies of water. Those beliefs were formed from the fears of my grandparents, and they became a revolving cycle.
I'm ruled under the water sign of Cancerian, but I'm the crab without sea legs.
My knees wobble, my heart flutters at the thought of being immersed in water, and an onlooker might believe that I'm having an asthma attack.
Still, an invite to the river would never be spurned.
The most unforgettable time I've had in nature was holding on for my life in a tube on White River Valley Tubing.
My calendar of events was full with a back-to-back itinerary of media houses arriving, who I had scheduled for an excursion on the North coast in Jamaica. My eyes dilated as I read the upcoming location to visit.
Getting dressed, with conflicting feelings, I slipped on my swimsuit beneath my work clothes, and off to work I went.
The eclectic mix of personalities of the group made a 2-hour bus ride to the river a breeze.
"Milly, are you going to join us tubing on the river?"
Giggling and groping for the words to come out; "I'm terrified of water," I replied.
"An island girl who cannot swim." Teased the crew.
Arriving at the premises leading to the river, my confidence and curiosity were piqued and just like the spiritual and symbolism of the green dock beetle, with two fit, professional, friendly, and responsible river guides, out of character, there I was waiting in line for my gear and safety devices.
Despite being with the guides and strong swimmers, I took responsibility for my life. Through white crystal waters, I floated and paddled against the wind, against the direction that I desired. Our drift along the wide river through coconut plantations and pedestrian sideways felt surreal. Engrossed with a feeling of euphoria, my fears slowly subsided.
Crack, crack, crack, rumble and boom startled us. Lightning illuminated and reflected off the water, as the skies opened up. Drenched, with pent-up emotions releasing, it felt like a rebirth; A reminder from the universe that I was protected by nature, and the strong force that she is.
Smiles and the occasional thumbs up from the guides were reassuring. The moment of truth and testament of faith, courage, determination and will was to be demonstrated as individually we would glide down the hilly narrow single-lane waterfall. Taking us to a halt, the guides firmly looked into each of our eyes as specific and concise instructions were uttered on how to avoid flipping the tube as the forceful water pushes us down the stream. Fear shun brightly from my eyes, as my ears erected; Actively listening and registering every single word. One guide demonstrated down the narrow falls; The first to follow got rushed in the wind and dashed into the river and quickly regained control of his tube, the same for the second, and the third. Instructions were reiterated as the guide took a deep breath. We all knew he had doubts if he should let me down alone, but there was no way out except down the narrow stream of the waterfall, back to the flat river. I stood the test. Not from a great ability to paddle or navigate the winds, but from my strong will to survive.
I had never had that much fun with my clothes on, and an electrifying buzz remained with me for the following weeks. So elated, I was compelled to clap and stop strangers in the street to tell them of my unforgettable experience in nature.
To date, I still have a great fear of the water, more the deep blue than rivers. However, facing my fear, and following the instructions to the tee, made me feel proud, as I realised that I could overcome my fear. I'll continue to take steps to improve 🙏
Disclaimer: I am an avid nature lover, but not an insect lover. However, I was compelled to capture this Green Dock Beetle that rested by my feet, as if it came to deliver me a message.
All images belong to me
This is a response to the Creative Nonfiction Prompt #32, here in The Ink Well community.
