For weeks I've been creeping around this topic, had written a draft for a LOH Contest, discarded again. I saw the WE theme "Courage" the other day, but decided, courage is something else, it would be ridiculous to write about it now? Excuses over excuses came into my mind, nevertheless the topic came up again and again, because obviously it is important for me to write about it.
This WE now, Galen with the topic
What is one of the most surprising revelations you have discovered about yourself?
hit the mark because it just so absolutely fits. And here's the story:
Happy at the beach - 2007
"Beautiful Me"
The times I'm currently going through are indeed full of change. Change in terms of attitude towards myself, change in my view of what is really important to my life and what is not.
But the biggest inner change and realization happened a month ago and this started strangely enough on the day when the decision was made to shave off the hair that had become very thinning due to chemo.
I had sought advice beforehand. They said it is the best to listen to our inner voice, which solution would be helpful. I was also told that many women and also men cry when they (have to) take this step.
With me it was somehow different. Before it was annoying for days to be confronted always and everywhere with hair tufts and in any case it was clear, this can not go on this way.
best times with my dog - 2016
Except my teenage time with popper hairstyle I never had short hair. Mostly they were somewhere between bob and rather long hair.
To imagine myself without hair was difficult and for the first time I realized how incredibly important hair is to us. How much you identify with your hair, especially as a woman. I've always been rather a tomboyish type, rather fighting with the make-up and styling things, nevertheless it was important to me.
If the hair would be gone, how much of a woman would I still be?
Such questions kept me VERY busy for a few days, all my thoughts were only with those stupid hairs everywhere around me, but not on my head anymore. With the hair loss, however, I wasnt happy at all and when the moment came to shave them off, I was admittedly very nervous. Well, really very, very, very! nervous. We made two braids, because that seemed important to me at that moment and as you can see here, I looked very insecure in the camera:
not one of my best moments
After that - the still incomprehensible to me:
When I felt the razor as it was applied to the back of my head and drove along, I was overcome by a wave of relief. Yes you read correctly, relief! It just felt incredibly good. I had never been aware of what "weight" I had carried with me.
When it was completed and I looked in the mirror, I liked myself better than before. But most of all, I felt better. Worlds better!
right after shaving the hair
Now this is not to say that I never had good times before, quite the opposite. For most of my life, I felt very good. (Further up in the post are also photos inserted, which show these good times) But, from present view I recognize that these times were too often only dependent on external factors. Hairstyle, appearance, environment, life circumstances, etc.
Much of this is of course very important to live a nice and pleasant life, no question! Without a good environment and living conditions it can be difficult and it is important that we - as Galen always emphasizes in his post footers - design our own ideal life. That we choose how we would like to look, where and how we want to live in order to find our personal happiness.
Still, the last few weeks have made it much clearer to me that the most important thing is always to be yourself, to just really feel and see yourself, but also to be able to fully embrace and love that self that you are.
And as crazy as this may sound, the time I have felt the best with myself is now! Yes, now, in the middle of this health crisis, where I am of course often tired and weary, I feel at peace with myself.
At the beginning of the therapy I had expected many things, but this realization actually came as a complete surprise.
I am in a very nice WhatsApp group with women here from the region who also just have or had chemo, where people support each other with advice and action.
I told them that I do not quite understand why I suddenly feel so much better with baldness?
Among other supporting things, there came an answer that I will never forget, because it had happened to her quite the same and she summarized what I had previously experienced to the point in words, literally she said:
"When I looked in the mirror, I saw myself for the first time."
And that's exactly how it is, because "Naked" "Unadorned" "Unprotected" "True" you can look into your eyes and see the wonderful radiance of your soul in them.
It is a mystery how much we allow ourselves to be determined by appearances.
After all this wisdom, however, I also have some humor for you:
bad hair day - 2008
I have my bad days, yes - but I don't have Bad Hair Days anymore ;-) Yours, B.
WE Topic #152
all photos by @beeber
mostly translated with deepl.com (free version)
