Scroll of Time Chapter V || Self-acceptance.

in #hive-1565097 days ago

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The scroll of paper requires me to make decisions and to persist in that resolve - something I find extremely difficult.

For me, it is natural to constantly question my own decisions and look for alternative solutions - I go round in circles, fight with myself and end up drowning in a sea of unsolved problems. Scroll is my form of self-therapy. It forces me to be disciplined, decisive. Usually when I'm working on a drawing, I get halfway through and tear it up because I'm not happy with the result. Plus the very thought of an unfinished drawing doesn't allow me to concentrate. That's why I find it easiest to get rid of it and start over.


With a roll of paper it's not so easy. I have to decide what the next scene will be about, plan it and finish it because the alternative is to destroy the continuity of the roll. The stakes are therefore high.

Even though ‘Scroll of Time’ is quite strenuous task already I decided to raise the bar again.

Self-portrait

One of the most difficult drawing exercises. The last time I attempted to draw my face was at the beginning of my art studies. And even then - it was not my decision. It was one of the homework assignments in my drawing classes. Both then and now, I found the exercise exhausting. Drawing yourself is fundamentally different from drawing others. The very decision to choose a pose or a grimace is almost impossible to make. When we draw others - we want to resemble their anatomy as well as show the shadow of the character and appearance of the portrayed. On the top of that - we unintentionally try to choose a flattering frame or pose.

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Drawing one self likeness is different. At least for me. I don't look at my face in the mirror very often. Apart from using concealer under my eyes, I don't use colour cosmetics at all. I need a mirror sometimes to check that my hair isn't in an crazy mess and that I don't have spinach between my teeth. But I don't look at my face in the mirror in its entirety almost at all. So attempting to draw it - gave me nothing but headache.

I had to face up to how my face had changed over the last few years. How many wrinkles had appeared, how the skin tone and thickness had changed. How the dark circles under my eyes have become even more pronounced than they were a few years ago. The eyes have become more glassy and the irises are now filled with spots and discolouration.


I took hundreds of photos in search of the 'real me'. The photos in which I tried to look 'pretty' came out weird and artificial, so after a while – I simply stopped trying. So I started making grimaces - something I always manage to make others laugh. These faces do not add to my beauty or character. But they are a good mask to hide the simple fact that I don't like looking at my reflection in the mirror. Let this exercise be a step towards self-acceptance.

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I wish you lovely rest of your Sunday and lovely week!
Yours,
Strega Azure

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Here you can see how my 'Scroll of Time' progressing:)
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I used pencils: 9B, 6B, 2B, F, 8H

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Drawing & pictures are my authorship if not stated otherwise.

All rights reserved @strega.azure ©

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Drawing oneself could be more tasking. The judgement is different entirely. I love the making of the scroll. It's surely a journey of self acceptance. Cheers!!!

#dreemerforlife

It's been a while since I was trying that to be fair. This is not the last attempt, I am sure of it:)

Thank you for popping by!

You are welcome, 🙏

Self-acceptance is the beginning of making peace with who we are. I love the idea of drawing yourself, something I have never thought of trying. Your scroll of time is beautiful.
#dreemerforlife

I would would agree in full here. Liking one self is not an easy task:)

I definitely recommend this exercise to everybody. It doesn't have to be drawing, it can be poem or piece of prose too:)

Thank you for your comment!

Wow! You're a very talented artist 👏👏
To make peace with yourself, self acceptance is the very first step.
I love how you embraced every aspect of you and put them in a scroll,it's beautiful to see these emotions unfiltered
#dreemport

Thank you for your kind words and for stepping by!

This is wonderful 🥰 you are so brave and your drawing of your many faces is beautiful. I love your scroll. It is a real self-challenge and therapeutic, and an excellent way to commit and follow through. Keep believing in yourself. Others do 💗

Thank you very much Sam, really appreciate it!
Idea was lingering on the back of my head for very long time. I gotta admit that putting it into the scroll was planned -to prevent myself to rip whole thing into pieces :D Now it is a part of the series whether I want or not.

Of course I rolled the scroll right after I finished the drawing, so I don't have to look at it :D

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Thanks!

Stay focused @strega.azure! You're making great progress towards your Hive goals.

This part fits really well with the other elements of the scroll. And your facial expressions feel very authentic, compared to the social media norm. 😊 the worst part of aging is looking older 😆😆. But personally, I wouldn't trade it for being young and dumb again.

Have a great week, Strega!!

I was pretty hesitant to put it on the scroll, wasn't sure if this is a good fit.

Oh yeah, I don't think my facial expressions meet any of today's social- media 'standards' 🤣

From time to time it does shock me how my body and face changes. I don't take close look on them very often, so changes are very pronounced 🙃

But! I definitely agree with you - being again young and stupid - nah, I don't want that. Looking back makes me angary at my former self. So all in all - I choose wrinkles!

Thank you for dropping by! I wish you a lovely week too!

Well, to be fair, social media standards are kind of bogus anyway 😆.

Aging gracefully is not without its challenges! Not liking the old version of ourselves must mean we've made some kind of progress forward.

Just imagine what it will be like to be 70 and look back at how we are now. That will be a trip!

That was a hard week, I'm so glad it's the weekend again 😁.

Well, to be fair, social media standards are kind of bogus anyway 😆.

I've retired from all social media apart from hive long time ago, so maybe there will be time I do fit in the new standards ;D

I don't mind that much that my body isn't attractive anymore. Only thing that really bothers me is the fact that now it takes way more time and sacrifices to keep my body strong and healthy.

I don't look very far into the future, maybe I should though.. Do you?

I hope you will find time for yourself this weekend, so you can forget about week-long struggles:)