Over the decades I have written a lot. I have said a lot.
Some of it is on the web.
Some of it is in notebooks.
Some of it is in videos.
Some of it is in audio.
Some of it is memories of past conversations.
Most of it is lost and forgotten.
I don't admire deceit. I don't take joy in obfuscation and subterfuge.
I speak what is on my mind at the time.
My mind changes. Often it changes rapidly.
Sometimes it changes so suddenly that you might actually witness that change occurring as I write.
I most often write in a stream of consciousness. Thus, my writing is a representation of the journey occurring within my own mind.
If I wrote something, or said something in the past that very likely is a shadow of how I think now.
If I encountered enough information, or I let my stream of consciousness wander long enough I am certain there are things I have stated in the past that I no longer hold as true.
There are also epiphanies I likely had in the past that I no longer recall today.
I may have the same epiphanies again and write about them.
I know I have awakened from sleep to thoughts I personally thought were profound. I know they often were lost before I could give them form in writing or some other creation.
I know I have had what seemed like profound and clear thoughts while I was driving, or otherwise engaged in work. I could not stop to preserve the thoughts.
They have often been lost entirely or been a small fragment of what I originally thought of by the time I could write them down.
Sometimes they would seem profound. Then before I wrote them down, or perhaps in the stream of consciousness style writing I might decide they were not what I thought.
All I can say is that I have written and said a lot of things.
If a person wanted to hold up something I said in the past and call me a hypocrite or a liar today. That would be inaccurate.
I am not the same person I was then.
I am not the same person as I write this sentence as the person I was when I wrote the first sentence in this post.
My mind is always changing. I debate and argue with myself a lot.
Why?
That is usually the only person I have available to do that with.
I can be annoying when I meet with other intellectuals that haven't already heard most of my current ideas. My mouth can run a million miles an hour as I anxiously try to talk about all the many things I want to say before the person is gone and I am back to arguing with myself.
Yet that can be tiresome.
I know people likely often may think "Won't this guy shut up?" "When is he going to let me speak?" "Man this guy sure is impressed with himself."
In reality it is just that I don't get to speak with people that I think might understand and give me challenge that often. So when I do the firehose opens and I prove to not be very good at pacing myself.
I don't want to overwhelm people. I am not trying to express being impressed with myself.
I am just flooding them with "What do you think of this, and this, and this, and this..." and likely not giving them time to think about or respond to anything.
This is a bane.
Thus, most of my thoughts work best in written form. Yet these things are simply journeys within my own mind. They are dialogs that happened in my mind. Not so much with other people.
They very often are inspired by other people. Yet it is only in the comment sections where occasionally there is some actual back and forth.
The important thing I wanted to convey is this.
I speak what I think at the time. I change over time. I do not agree with many things I thought were accurate in the past. Yet I still see value in the journey and looking at things in the past.
As always thank you for spending some of your time reading my mental ramblings.
