One minute of anger and a lifetime of regrets

in #hive-1028793 months ago
It was a beautiful evening with a very soothing atmosphere filled with laughter, good memories sharing, and knowledge sharing. It was one evening I never wanted to come to an end until a scenario played out. It was a moment I never imagined I would see on a day as beautiful as that.

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I was with this man that I was close to dating, but for an important reason, I ran far away from him and never looked back. Hold on, don’t judge me yet.

After about six months of conversing over the phone, I decided to pay him a visit after much persuasion. Plus, I was gradually falling in love with this man, so why not? I thought. Moreover, I still had a lot of time to spend with him in the same space if we ended up together. Plus, I was home all through the week. I should step out during the weekend, I thought.

I got to his home, and we were having a very interesting time until his sister came in to disturb him and taunt him a little about having a girl over after a very long time.

“That’s okay now”, he said to his sister. Well, siblings would always be siblings, especially the younger ones, so, she didn’t stop because she was having fun while at it. However, my potential boyfriend had issues with being taunted, and before I realized what was going on, he landed a slap on her cheek.

Wait, what?? “What did you just do?” I asked, and he responded, “I only shut her up”. My sister is too stubborn. Very stubborn. I have told her many times to stop doing the things I don’t like, but she wouldn’t listen to me. I’m sorry you had to see that. Can you unsee it, please? That was so unlike me. “Oh, okay”, I said.

I left the place a few minutes later and never looked back. I blocked him on all socials and blocked every other number he tried to reach me through.

Anger management is a skill that’s supposed to be inbuilt, however, with personal experience, I realized that it’s not inbuilt, rather, it is learnt and with so many efforts, becomes a part of an individual after so many trials.

My brother called me one day and said, “sis, I think something’s up with me. I get angry very easily, and the restlessness I feel afterwards isn’t a feeling I like. I couldn’t even look pass through someone calling me a fool, it would feel like I should hit the person, but somehow, I was able to hold back the urge to escalate the issue. It took a lot of self-restraints to do that. But I need help on how to get better. I hate the feeling of that anger because for the next few minutes, I won’t be able to do anything.

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“It won’t be easy”, I said to him. To get this resolved permanently, you need to persistently learn to take deep breaths before you talk whenever someone hurls hurtful words at you or does something that angers you. Count 3, 2, 1 and do breathing exercise. Then, try not to open your mouth to say anything at that moment, and when you do, make sure it’s a smile that comes out from it.

If it’s a situation you can walk away from, then as much as possible, do that so that you won’t be a victim of the consequence of uncontrolled anger.

Getting angry is normal, however, being careful of what you say or do during the moment of the anger is very important. Just like the potential boyfriend I ran away from because of the fear of getting at any slight provocation just like he did to his sister, it may be something much more than losing a potential girlfriend. It could be a job, a contract or even an award.

Losses and regrets due to something that you can learn to control is unavoidable. However, if you think your level of anger is beyond the tips here, therapy will be a very good option.

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anger usually brings us several problems, being impulsive can be avoided, breathing or withdrawing always helps, thank you for sharing this experience and advice.

To avoid those problems is why I shared this here. Thank you very much for reading and for the kind comments.

I'm thankful you got the strength to walk away immediately, that was a big red flag and you might have regretted it if you had stayed back.

I actually would've regretted big time because I would've done more than the sister did that earned her a slap. I would've earned a proper beating. eh eh. God, abeg.

The humility with which your brother approached you to express this and ask for help is admirable. This is an important issue that always needs to be talked about. Best regards @storygoddess

If we have less angry people around, maybe the vices of the world would be reduced. Thank you very much for your kind comment.

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Recognising a problem in managing your emotions is the first step in seeking the help you need to achieve the emotional balance that is so difficult to maintain in those moments of euphoria.
I can't imagine the scene you describe with your ex-boyfriend, it was definitely a very uncomfortable situation, I hope you find a person with whom you can understand yourself and who can manage their emotional life in a healthy way.
Regards

I agree with that the first step is recognising a problem because only someone that sees the short temper as an issue will see a reason to find a solution to it.